WEEK 08 & 09 | NO DEADLINES
I was rummaging through a basket in my room with books stacked in it. I came upon my 2016 prayer planner and read something from it that I needed so greatly this week. And last week for that matter. I've combined the last two weeks, because quite frankly, I couldn't come up with anything last week and while consistency is key, I also didn't want to force anything. I understand that writing is a discipline and to stay on top of it, you sometimes have to write when you are uninspired or aren't feelin' it. I've been doing that, but when it came to writing anything for the blog it came up short.
This week and last, the world paid tribute to the late Billy Graham, who was known as America's pastor, preached the gospel to the nations and was a great man, a Godly man, a man whose faithfulness to the call on His life has impacted millions of lives. A family man who lived his life humbly and dutifully, fulfilling the great commission Jesus charged His disciples with in Matthew 28:18-20. It's been inspiring to say the least and I've had to quiet the feeling that I wasn't doing enough, showing up enough and chose to just relax and smile at the future. God has a good plan for my life, it may not be an easy one but it's good. And while I know that to be true, I've wrestled with God this week as I've stomped my feet in bratty fashion, wanting to know when these plans were going to start taking shape. The buzzword has been "wait" for quite some time now. My heart pains at waiting a moment longer because I know what's out there. I've been a part of it in small doses having served on mission teams, been to camps, shared the gospel and had the privilege of leading others to Christ. I've marveled in His miraculous hand in my life and others and this season has felt like I've been grounded for some reason or another. Not grounded in the "you're in trouble" sort of way, but the grounded, you are going to learn quiet obedience and discipline for a time.
I want nothing more than to live my life obedient to the call placed on my life, and to proclaim the gospel to a lost and dying world. To share the love of Christ and lay my life down as a sacrifice for the cause of the cross. I believe its power to save with my whole being. Its message makes me who I am. God's Word is the foundation for my life and I want nothing more than to teach it, read it, speak it, live it so that others may be brought to a life in Christ as well.
What's paining me is this season is that a lot of it takes place from home, as I'm working from home. It can feel so isolating at times yet I soldier on as I haven't felt the urgency to apply for any other sort of position or job. My prayer requests for this week were "more places to be" and "more assignments from Him and a team of people to work with'. I have my moments where I am so grateful to have such freedom in my schedule and solitude. I have the luxury of spending uninterrupted time with the Lord, which is the greatest privilege. Like Mary I can sit at Jesus' feet and bask in His presence. Not that I don't do this, the irony is that I will probably look back on this season and wish I done that more so, but I also am working toward what I believe God has called me to do with all this time. Continue in the vision He's cast before me, learn through the business He's given me, and write. And through this all, to see a man so on fire, so passionate yet so humble puts me in my rightful place. His life was laid down and he confesses to the hardships he faced during his life and ministry. I bow before Jesus with these raw and honest emotions of mine and accept the hard and the holy place, in the waiting, in the quiet.
And then tonight, what I read in my prayer planner. How quickly I forget the whole point of this special time in His love. He's given me this time of no constraints, no deadlines (or very few) and He reminded me how long He's waited for this time with me. I want to rush through this but He's just so excited because He had to wait so patiently until He had my undivided heart and attention and He keeps drawing my gaze back as I'm tempted to gaze all around me, yet He keeps a steady gaze on me and waits for me to lock eyes once more. I need to appreciate every part of this precious time Him and I can share in together during this season. And I love Him all the more for showing me this, reminding of that word He spoke to me 2 years ago.
His love is patient, His love is kind.